The adventures of Jill and Lisa: Part 9 – Does your butt stick out?

I’m sure you realized our heroines returned to Englishtown from the hike without any major trauma. Well barring the overwhelming feeling that their lungs weren’t quite able to expand enough to take in the air they needed to trek through mountains that in some instances were at a 90 degree angle. Please note that both of our heroines are city folk who usually spend their time drinking martinis or other concoctions on Jill’s deck; the closest they get to experiencing nature or allowing nature to experience them.

This was to be the final evening in Englishtown. And since Jill and Lisa missed on the all night super party/fiesta madhouse, our heroines felt that it was their duty to stay up late and discuss the benefits of Anglos and Spaniards joining together in a remote location and truly explore the benefits of cross cultural communications.

Yeah, who am I kidding? We were gonna drink, dang it! Don’t worry, both women had time to recover from the hike and their collective illnesses – at least a little – that afternoon after traversing the mountain trail. So, they found themselves in the midst of the bar at some incredibly late hour (OK, late for Americans, not so late for Spaniards) downing vodka y limons, rum and cokes, while enjoying animated conversations.

One such conversation was regarding the bathing areas in our beautifully renovated village. I’m sure you remember us mentioning how persons were petite back in the 1500s? Now envision a man, 6’ 6” tall spending 7 days trying to bathe in a room built for people who maxed out at 5’ 7”.

Our 6’6” friend, we’ll call him GoodSport, while sucking down vodka y limons gave Jill and Lisa an account of this challenging situation.

The showers in Englishtown consisted of a small shower pan that was barely arms length in diameter for a woman 5’7” tall. The shower was placed in a corner of the bathroom with ceiling beams boring down from above. Even Lisa was afraid of hitting her head on the wooden supports. The pan was enclosed with a plastic shower curtain – no walls, no sides, only a curtain that encircled the pan.

Hence the entertaining story.

“You see, I cannot wash my hair without doing this …” GoodSport demonstrates by shoving his derriere in an almost sitting position while miming a curtain that didn’t quite cover the imagined au natural state of GoodSport.

“So, my butt is really cold and my eyes are covered in soap and I’m trying to get the showerhead pointing so I can get the water on my hair. Then, to wash the rest of me, I have to crouch down and try to get under the water but I have to move my body so that I do this.”

GoodSport then mimes moving half of his au natural-ness out of the shower and trying to rinse off suds while avoiding falling into the accompanying sink or onto the floor, taking the curtain with him.

“OK, time to close up,” calls the bartender.

Lisa decides that this is her opportunity to exit – stage right. She didn’t want to stay up too much later and she was definitely feeling the high alcohol content, low cola or lemon fizz drinks.

“Good night, see you tomorrow,” she says and waves to everyone in the bar, exiting through a side door. At that point, she is trying to make sure she doesn’t fall or do something else that would be embarrassing on her way back to the room. After finding the keyhole to unlock the door to their room, Lisa plops onto the bed and looks around the room.

“Jill?”

Lisa suddenly realizes that Jill is not behind her, as she had assumed. But instead, was somewhere

Else.

She stumbles to the window and searches the grounds below to find her friend.

“Jill?”

Lisa goes to the stash of remaining crackers and eats a few, trying to regain some modicum of soberness. The next thing she knew, Jill was walking up the stairs to their room, as Lisa was passed out on the bed, covered in remnants of crackers and a trickle of drunkard’s drool reaching the bed sheet.

“Where’d you go?”

We’ll save the rest of the story for next week, when Jill will share the exciting and thrilling experience of a post-bar closing adventure.